Let’s get the hypocrisy of this post out of the way at the top: I’m saying it’s OK, desirable even, to be nobody, and I’m doing that in a public forum. I can’t get around that one. Free Life Coach tip one: Embrace hypocrisy. If anyone calls you out on it, simply say this: “It’s OK for me to be a hypocrite, but it’s not OK for you to be one.”
You have to love the consistency there. Bulletproof.
Moving on to the main topic: I read a fantastic post from Jillian Hess on Emily Dickenson’s journals.
I don’t know how she does it, but Hess puts so much density of ideas into her work. We get a glimpse of how Dickenson wrote, the meaning in the form of her penmanship, and a study of her poetry, all in a breezy, fun-to-read article. Thank you, Jill!
A poem that Hess included was “I’m Nobody” in which Dickenson makes a concise and convincing appeal to be a nobody, an unadvertised person. To be a somebody is like being a frog, croaking your name to a bog. It feels incredibly contemporary right now.
Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, (not substack — I refer you to my point on hypocrisy), all feel like platforms made for frogs to croak to the bog. I’d say swamp, but that word has become frogspeak as of late.
Embracing nobodiness is a glorious relief in the quest for status, the unending nagging impulse for recognition: How do I get my coworkers to recognize my efforts? How can I get more followers on [insert platform]? Will my art/book get a review? Do I need a new pair of shoes? Is my hair OK? Why didn’t I get invited to that party?
The push and pull of desiring both status and solitude is an exhausting tension.
Obviously, we need a certain amount of recognition. As a practical matter, if I don’t showcase my accomplishments at work, I risk being overlooked. For many of us in our culture at this moment, a certain amount of self-promotion is mandatory. But that’s a practical matter. What about at the emotional level? That’s where the hamster wheel gets its spin. The drive for visibility. Even if you don’t have that drive, you must contend with a bombardment of messages telling you that you should.
Headlines are written now as a “call to action.” They command us to be noticed, live visibly, and increase our status. We’re told to optimize everything to increase engagement. Ah, engagement, the holy land where quantity is quality.
The push and pull of desiring both status and solitude is an exhausting tension.
But what if a push into quality precludes the pull of quantity? That’s a question worth asking, and it may be where the balance lies. Samuél Lopez-Barrantes puts it quite well in this wonderful substack:
So here’s your Free Life Coach tip for the day, my friends: Promote what you must on a practical level if that’s your job, but don’t let your emotions drive you. When it comes to meaningful connections, lean into quality over quantity.
Ignore the siren song of status-seeking that blares in your primate mind. Seek quality over quantity, even if that means calling one friend today and sharing what you think, and hear them out as well. Quality engagement is a two-way street. [That’s why fame is bullshit, it’s a one-way adoration with the illusion of reciprocation. Is there anything more lonely?] You are enough and always have been.
Reminding you that you don’t have to impress anyone. You don’t need likes, hearts, views, clicks, or conversions,
I am, Your Free Life Coach,
Sean Sakamoto
Emily Dickinson would have loved this article!
Keep gems like this coming, please, Sean. ❤️