I have a sleep disorder called Confusion Arousal. It sounds like a sex problem, but it’s not. It means that whenever I enter ‘deep sleep’ I immediately awaken into a confused state. It sucks. I’ve had it my whole life. The only treatment I’ve been offered is Klonopin, a heavy duty anti anxiety med that comes with its own problems. I don’t take it. Instead, I wake up from a deep sleep a few times a night and warn my sleeping wife about: Our failure to classify our laundry, the impossibility of getting our canoe across the rapids, the terrorists in our living room, the bomb under the bed, the camera in our ceiling, the neighbors who need help, and on and on and on.
This has taught me about what it’s like to live without enough sleep. In short: it sucks. But I’ve also learned how important enough sleep is AND I’ve learned what to do when I don’t have enough sleep.
Advice on how to sleep better
First of all, let’s get to what we already all know. Because that’s what Free Life Coach is all about, telling us stuff we know but forget all the time. Sleeping well depends on what sleep scientists call “Sleep hygiene.” There are some basic practices that can make for better sleep. These are all things I wish weren’t true, so consider this unpleasant news:
Cut down or eliminate caffeine. (My sleep got way better when I switched from coffee to black tea. This expensive but delicious tea is fantastic. I don’t get anything if you buy it. Free Life Coach is not an influencer. Also, did you know that the Earl Grey flavor comes from a citrus called “Bergamont?” I’ve never seen one, but I’ve tasted its sensuous flavor of aristocracy and it’s delightful.
Go to bed at the same time every night. Did you know that going to bed one hour later than you usually do messes up your sleep. Even if you sleep one hour later, the quality of your rest suffers and you’ll feel it. But you know this, right? ‘Cause you’ve done it and felt bad.
No screens an hour before bedtime. Impossible.
Exercise regularly. I do this and it helps in so many ways.
Don’t use your bed for anything else but sleep.
Use a white noise machine. I do this because I live in NYC.
Don’t eat two hours before bed. Also impossible.
How to handle fatigue
So, there you have it. The get better sleep commandments. Sorry about that. But now I can actually share something that feels original. How to handle fatigue. As someone who often sleeps poorly, I’m becoming an expert at this one practice.
Being exhausted is tricky, because it’s more than just feeling tired. There is a huge mental component. Feelings like dread and despair are my baseline while I’m tired. I also get very impatient and made at people for the smallest things. In other words, I can’t actually trust my own mind. It perceives things terribly when I’m fatigued. Once I realized this, I learned to stop listening to it on days when I’m exhausted. But that’s hard because I’m really used to trusting my mind. It often looks like this:
Brain: Life sucks. It’s too long and it’s too short. You’ll never be OK and no matter what you do, you’ll regret it.
Also Brain: (because what else am I thinking with if not my brain?) You were up last night fighting pirates so I can’t trust what you say right now. Maybe tomorrow we can have this talk when you’ve had enough sleep.
Brain: Good points. (My bad brain isn’t really my enemy, so it will take direction like this.)
[15 minutes later]
Brain: You completely f#cked up your life.
Also Brain: You’re tired. We’ll talk bout this tomorrow.
Brain: Ok, but that guy chewing gum loudly over there should probably be told to stop it.
Also Brain: You know what, you’re right. I’m gonna-wait, you’re doing it again.
Brain: Right. Sorry.
That’s how my day goes. It’s really just a matter of telling myself to shut up and hold on, hoping I get enough sleep tonight. The more tired I am, the worse my condition is, so sometimes it takes a few days to get my brain back.
So that’s my advice, good people of Free Life Coach. Do all the right things to get a good night’s sleep. The world is such a better place when we’re rested. But, if you can’t or don’t, then ignore the bad thoughts until you’ve slept. Tell the bad thoughts that they’re wrong. Talk back to the brain. It can handle it, and it will keep you a tiny bit sane amid the fog of exhaustion.
Until next week, sleep well!
Wow my brain tells me the exact same thing
True, but really hard to remember when I'm tired.