I like to compare myself to other people and then feel terrible. It’s a hobby of mine. I broadened my approach to animals as well.
“Dogs are happy, even when everything sucks. Why can’t you do that?” I like to ask myself this when I’m mildly content and need to take things down a notch.
It’s not just me. I think everyone who has ever loved a dog has thought at one time or another, “Why can’t I be happy just being alive like dogs are?”
Birds too. They chirp and fly around. They seem content. There’s even a bible quote about them as examples of how not to worry about the future.
Matthew 6:26-27 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Be like birds, Matthew says. They’re so spiritual and content, just living in a state of utter faith and trust. Unlike worrying, anxious me. And I can’t even fly. Birds, man, they have it all.
So why? WHY? I think I figured it out. Humans are unhappy by design. Time passes for us like a cheesegrater over our souls. Merely existing rubs us the wrong way.
Don’t believe me? Try doing nothing. Stop every single distraction. No iphone. No TV. No PlayStation 5. No book. No Kindle. No podcast. No conversation. No internet. No reps at the gym. No eating. No coffee, tea, or booze. No vaping. No weed. No pills. No sex. No flirting. NOTHING. Do nothing.
How’s it feel?
It feels awful.
I mean, the first minute is pretty good. But after that? It’s hard. The closest I come to doing nothing is meditation. But meditation is a practice. I have to practice doing absolutely nothing. Why do I have to practice it? Because it’s incredibly unpleasant and I’m not good at it. Imagine being bad at doing nothing. I don’t have to imagine, I am.
When I do meditate it’s not because I want to. It’s so that I can increase my tolerance for the low-vibration misery of simply being alive and make the rest of my life, when I’m not meditating, actually a bit better. I practice simply facing the grater for a while, and then the rest of the day goes a bit better. How often do I do this? Not often.
Meditation is like hitting myself on the head with a hammer, over and over again, so that it feels good when I stop.
That’s because life is like staring into the sun. The life-giving, brilliant, ever-burning star. Once I accept that, then I realize, I can’t be a dog, or a bird. It’s my condition, as a human, to be restless — to feel, deep in my heart, the scraping, restless, anxious state of existence. That’s the basic broadcast of the universe, and humans are the radios tuned to that channel.
That’s not the only channel. I feel love, compassion, joy, peace, and serenity as well. But those experiences don’t drive me to write a substack about suffering. They don’t drive me to distraction, to another bite of a cookie, another hour of scrolling on my phone, another 15 minutes under the covers. They are the rays of the sun between the clouds.
I don’t think dogs are tuned to that channel. They don’t receive the static. That’s their gift. But, my friends, here’s where it gets weird: What if my perception of life, restlessness and all, is my gift? What if the cheese grater is the present in my present? Because without it, I wouldn’t feel driven to connect with you, with my family, with my friends. I wouldn’t feel the need to write, to love, to live, as I do. It can compel me to self-destruct, or it can drive me to feel life in all its burning, itchy, wonderful, and unmitigated brutal glory.
This is what I believe. I’m not a masochist. I do not enjoy pain in any form. Nor do I valorize suffering. But I do believe in blooming where I’m planted. And I’m planted in a soul that suffers on a planet that spins under a star that burns brightly, so brightly. Today, I’m grateful for it all.
So, my friends, don’t compare yourself to any human or animal. Instead, identify with us. Find what we share and feel the connection instead of the despair. We all have needs. We all have the capacity to feel pain and joy. We all need to give, and receive, love. Let the grater grind you toward, rather than away, from living today. At least, that’s what I’m trying to do.
Hoping you feel it all and stay standing,
I am,
Your Free Life Coach,
Sean Sakamoto
Cheesegrater on my soul is brilliant